So drunk its hurt
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
