WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
