it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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