dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dicks are not precious.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
