i was born a porn star she said
barbara walters just said penis...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
