Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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