oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
