Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
