Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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