Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
