we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
