i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
