there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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