We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
