dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
