saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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