whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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