He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
