the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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