My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize