I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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