He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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