your parents love me but you hate me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
