guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
