i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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