I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
