While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
