can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize