I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
