It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
