Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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