I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
