I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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