People in love make me want to vomit
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
