Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I understand Curling. That high.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize