Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
