I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize