There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize