i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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