KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
