omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
