i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
