I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Enjoy the penises
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
