Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
