What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
