K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
