Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
