i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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