We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you never un-have a 4some
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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