Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
