Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
