The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
