Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
