To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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