Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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