chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
