remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I supernannyed him into submission
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
