3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
