listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
