In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
