I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
