I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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