I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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