nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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