I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
