so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
