Its about making memories worth repressing
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
