Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize