just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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