Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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