he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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