im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Come on in and take your pants off
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