Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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