I just threw up on my dentist
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
