Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
