someone get that fucking seahorse.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
