She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
