I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
