He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
