Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
