From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
