yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
