Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize