Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
