I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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